I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
