I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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