So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
