Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
