tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
