playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Randomize
