Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Randomize
