mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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