Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
