hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
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