i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
