Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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