All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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