My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
