Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Randomize
