I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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