I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Sober January is a disaster.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
