Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize