He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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