I love black thongs
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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