He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
