Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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