turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Randomize
