Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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