I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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