It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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