Who did Billy Mays play for?
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
