I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
