I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
