so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
