there was a trapeze. enough said
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize