Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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