to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
