if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
You're a waste of cheezeits
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
