We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
