NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
