i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
