Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Too much gin, very little bucket
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
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