i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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