There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
ttyl tear gas
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
