it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Im part way to drunk.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
