In the future we'll all be gay
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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