singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
