I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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