The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize