I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
