He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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