You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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