Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
