I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
