if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
you have to choose: penises or morals?
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
