All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
