Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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