oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
