Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
