You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
