Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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