Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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