Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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