Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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