Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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