period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
