what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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