we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
