I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Randomize
