fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
