we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
