Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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