So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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