I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Randomize
