i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
