Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
