I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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