Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
