Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
