Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Damn victory sex feels great
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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