I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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